PND, Peanut and Me
A story of a young mums fight for recovery and how EK Buddy Cushbears brought hope and joy to her young family.
Mental Health struggles come in many forms and no matter
what 'Label' you attach to it, it can have an extremely debilitating, destructive
and life threatening effect on an individual and their family's lives.
EK Buddy BlanQuilts was born out of my own struggle to
support, care for and survive the crushing issues that surround mental
health. It was a battle just to get my
head around the many diagnostic 'labels'.
PND or Post Natal Depression was just one of many. I have first-hand experience in how this can
affect a family. So, when I first learned of Peanut's mummy, I felt a strong
urge to write about her experience. As her battle for recovery continues and in
the wake of a new baby; how all her
efforts are being ploughed into trying to prevent the same thing from happening
again.
Peanut's mummy is very happy to share her story but it was important to her to keep her anonymity, so I will call her Rose Petal. I chose this name as I think it best describes her story.
A tightly closed bud, barely noticeable and struggling through the winter, then came her spring. She saw some bright days but these were often darkened by the wind and rain.
Gradually, the sun came out and the melancholic bud began to feel its rays and blossom. However, the vulnerability of a petal begins to show when it is time to drop off and then it is alone.
I first made Rose Petal's acquaintance when her friend
ordered a bespoke Cushbear as a gift for her
second child's birthday. As with all our
bespoke products, we require a certain amount of information to make the
BlanQuilts and
Cushbears extra special; and to enable us to write a
personalised story.
Rose Petal and her family were so delighted with
the
Cushbear, we designed and made one for
their
eldest child. That little darling was so pleased, she beamed.
So when a third baby was on the way, it was without
question, that another Cushbear had to be made. The conception and birth of Peanut Cushbear
is woven into this story of courage, strength and hope.
Rose Petal had struggled for many years. She had been bullied, humiliated and abused
for a significant part of her life, culminating in feelings of worthlessness, abandonment
and neglect. Rose Petal suffered an
unimaginable trauma, that to this day, she is unable to talk about for fear of reliving it again and again. To a large extent, she is able to bury it; but she is fully
aware that she has not dealt with it completely. Coupled with other negative childhood events,
Rose Petal believes that her double
battle with post natal depression and the struggle with anorexia, which nearly
killed her and her unborn baby, were almost certainly contributed to, by her
difficult past.
Although Rose Petal is still recovering, this blog is not to
discuss what happened to her, but how she has managed to adopt a positive
approach to her post natal depression.
The things that have hindered her and most significantly, the things that
have helped her come such a long way.
EK Buddy BlanQuilts feels proud and privileged to be able to
cover this very important topic and the significance that our cushbears have played in Rose Petal and her children's lives.
Orange is a colour of balance. Oranges have a thick, pimply, fairly robust skin but are soft
inside. They are sweet and sour with a
bitter twist to the zest and have a tarty sweetness in their juiciness. These elements can be seen as an
analogy of life.
Orange offers vibrancy, determination, courage and a lot of
soul. It tingles with zest and has a
sparkle of fun. The red in the orange is
hot, energetic and fiesty. The yellow
rises and sets as the sun, its creative, imaginative and wants you to relax into life with a positive ease.
I decided to make Peanut out of orange as this is a great
colour for babies and young mums for all the reasons I mentioned above.
In the womb, Peanut presented many problems for his
mum. Rose Petal's pregnancy was
complicated and she had many worrying moments with persistent bleeding; peanut
not growing; feeling constantly sick and a few admissions to hospital. Rose Petal had to balance all of this with
maintaining her role as a loving wife, a good mother and a determination to
maintain her recovery process.
It is impossible to imagine how difficult this must have
been, particularly with the hormonal changes occurring in her body and the
anxieties she suffered through a planned but stressful pregnancy.
We have to remember
that Rose Petal was also caring for her two small children. At times she found this overwhelming but had to try to be strong. She told me, 'It was as if they wanted to take care of me and the pregnancy but not knowing how, they cuddled and cared for their cushbears taking them everywhere'. It was
this love and their smiling little faces that helped keep her going, but at times,
challenged her recovering position. 'Those cushbears came at the right time', she told me.
Rose Petal's husband had 'been there before', he had the
T-shirt. She described him as her
'Knight', the most wonderful and loving husband. She said, 'He has been so strong for me, he
is simply the best husband and father.
Without him, I could not have gotten through all of this. I am a very
lucky girl'.
Rose Petal talked about the huge support from her loving
husband, but also from their Church during her pregnancy with Peanut. And whilst, Peanut was developing and growing
in the womb, I was busy creating a Peanut cushbear fit for baby Blake.
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| Vertical ridges hand stiched |
There are many elements to making this cushbear and I was
busy planning and thinking about how I would get the shape and texture just
right. 'Peanuts have those wiggly lines
in boxes', my daughter said. 'Are you
sure?' I asked her.
'Yes mum, google it. That's what gives them their gravelly
texture'. I hadn't eaten a peanut out of
a shell in years and had quite forgotten.
I wanted to get it right, so I knew I would have to hand quilt it. It made sense to quilt it in squares. This would give it symmetry and uniformity
helping to balance the texture.
As my Peanut was taking shape, so was Rose Petal's. I was concerned when I heard she was having
difficulties with the pregnancy, but I never gave up hope for her. I was so delighted when Rose Petal told me,
'It was my faith that kept me going.
There were times when I was so scared that I might loose him. I knew
that I had to keep positive and that any negative thoughts would set me back in
my recovery, but it was hard'.
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| Quilting these ridges presented some challenges |
We shared stories of our indiviual creativity and how it kept us going.
'I love baking and being creative with decorating my cakes. So I threw myself into making wonderful cakes for my family's birthdays and any
other occasions, just to help take my mind off the way I was feeling physically
and to stop myself sinking back into depression. I felt miserable and tearful at times but my
children's happiness is so important to me.
I was determined not to be that ghost I had been. My children deserve to have a mum who is at
peace and can make life fun and happy".
Rose Petal has these large, warm eyes and I imagined her
baby having them and so peanut had to have them as well. I wanted to give Peanut big blue eyes like
Rose Petals, so that when her baby looked at his Peanut buddy cushbear, he saw
a part of himself and his beautiful mummy.
I wasn't happy with the way the blue sat, a large disc expressing
nothing but a feeling of emptiness all on it's own; and this would certainly
not do. The eyes of a cushbear are its
soul, just as a humans eyes reveal their emotions and much more. |
| Peanut comng into his own |
And the painful memories of PND at its worst moments caused
emotions to pour out of those large, expressive eyes. 'There is so much stigma
associated with post natal depression, perhaps moreso than with any other type
of mental health disorder', Rose Petal
told me. 'People just don't get it. They judge you. They just think it's an excuse for being a
poor mother; that you can't cope or that you're just lazy and cannot be
bothered. It's really hard being judged
for something that is not your fault.'
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| A few tufts of hair for this baby |
'It gives me hope'. She told me. 'Something else to look forward to, knowing that it was made especially for my very special baby. It symbolises future happiness. I can't wait to see my two Peanut's together.'
Peanut was almost finished. The quilting of the ridges took some time, but with every stitch I became more inspired and each update brought better news about Peanuts progress in the womb.
The little fringe of black hair just finishes off Peanuts hairstyle perfectly.
When I received the text message that the baby had been born, both mother and son were doing well, I cannot tell you how delighted I was. It was not long before the two little Peanuts were playing happily together.
'I find comfort in my children and spend as much quality
time with them as I can. I love taking
photos of my children, capturing the happy moments so we can share the memories and I can look at
them when I feel down, and remember what I am living for.'
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| When my baby's sleeping, I get to cuddle Peanut too. Haha |
'Recovery is a slow process and people with depression are vulnerable to setbacks. You need to have good supportive people around you and an action plan just in case. I don't see this as a negative thing at all, but being proactive in my own well-being and the safety and security of my family'.
'Depression can creep up on you even if you know all the signs; particularly if you are a busy mum with very young children. The people supporting you need to know what you want and what to do should you hit a low point. So taking care of these things is really important and helps keep you feeling safe and secure too'.
'Being creative and finding new and enjoyable things to do with my family really helps keep me focused. We try to get out a lot more regularly and those beautiful cushbears always come along too. We even took them on our last family holiday and no doubt will take them on the next'.
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| The Peaknuckle Moves |
I would like to thank Rose Petal for sharing her really touching and heartwarming story and of course for her really wonderful accolades for the cushbears I made for her gorgeous children.
Peanut touched me in such a way that he inspired Peaknuckle and she is waiting to make another little person very happy.
EK Buddy Blanquilts supports positive mental health and recovery; we are always looking for ways to help.A Buddy BlanQuilt and Buddy Cushbear are for life. Make someone happy with one of our beautiful bespoke gifts.
Visit our website: www.EKBuddyBlanquilts.co.uk
Email: Enq.buddyblanquilts@live.co.uk
Mobile: 07595047674
facebook/EKbuddyblanquilts
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| All in the name of Love |
